Thieves Jokes / Recent Jokes

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, about presidential politics. Finally, the neighbor asked me why Joe was such a dedicated Republican.
Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both Republicans and he was carrying on the family tradition.
"That's it?" said the exasperated neighbor. "What if your father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?"
"Well..." Joe replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat like you."

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Coincidentally, President Bush also had his bicycle stolen recently. Police were perplexed because thieves don't usually target bikes with training wheels.

Crazy story. Thieves broke into tea gardens in Northeast India and stole tea leaves, damaged tea bushes and hurt the entire tea industry.
Authorities offered a reward... and said the thieves are described as havingvery soothed lemony throats and are armed with large amounts of pee.
Authorities are questioning anyone in the area who seems ‘Englishly gay’.

SYDNEY (Sydney Morning Herald, 02-15)
A lawyer charged a woman client $26 (Australian) for opening and reading a Christmas card she had sent him. He billed her an additional $26 for calling and thanking her for sending him the card.
ISTANBUL (Reuter, 02-11)
Turkish thieves stole 210 pairs of shoes from outside the Vali Kamil Acun mosque, as Muslim worshipers were praying inside.
BOGOTA (Reuters, 02-05)
Six family members were stabbed to death by thieves who stole a clay piggy bank containing about $150 in coins.

In a village, they had a rule that says "if anyone is caught stealing, the person will be asked to pick a fruit and 50 of that fruit will be shoved up his/her ass At once/the same time. but as they are shoving the fruit up the ass you must not laugh, if you do your head will cut off immediatly".
So they caught these three thieves trying to steal money. so they were asked to go get a fruit each(folowing the rules).
The first thief brought oranges...and they started shoving 50 of it in his butt at the same time, so he died.
The Second thief brought grapes(which was very small). but as they started shoving it up his ass, he started laughing so they cut his head off.
When he got to heaven, the first thief was very upset with him and was like why was he laughing because he wouldnt have died since the grapes were very small. the second thief still laughing was like "you dont understand". the first thief was like "Understand what?" then the more...

The theft
Did you hear about the thieves that broke into the United Jewish Appeal offices?
They got away with over a million dollars in pledges!