Thigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes into the doctor.He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.""I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?" The doctor asked."That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!""Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded."Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.""I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about more...

Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun and pawn shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife.
What I came across was a 100, 000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
Needless to say, this was way too cool. Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be more...

There was this woman who was a big boxing fan, so she went to the tattoo parlor and told the guy that she wanted a picture of Mike Tyson tattooed on the inside of one thigh, and a picture of Evander Holifield tattooed on the inside of the other thigh.
Several hours later, he announces that he's finished. She looks down at his work, but does not think that the tattoos resemble either fighter, so she decides to get a second opinion.
She asks another customer in the shop, "Are you a Boxing fan?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, could you come inside for a second and answer a question for me?" she asked.
So they go inside the office and she opens her legs and asks, "Does this look like Mike Tyson and does this look like Holifield?"
The man bends over and takes a good, long look and says, "I don't know about Tyson and Holifield, but the one in the middle sure does look like Don King! "

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she would like to have a turkey tattooed on her right thigh, just below her bikini line. She also wants the words Happy Thanksgiving under the turkey.
The artist does what the woman wants and it comes out looking really good.
She thens tells him that she wants a Santa tattooed on her left thigh, just below her bikini line, with the words Merry Christmas under it.
The artist does what the woman wants and it turns out well too.
As she's getting dressed to leave, the artists says, "Lady, forgive me for asking, but why did you have me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
"Well, I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!" she replies.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A. She wanted alot of male in her box...