Parlour Jokes

Early one morning, John, who works at the local funeral parlour, woke his wife, complaining of severe abdominal pains.
They rushed to the emergency room, at the local hospital, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.
John told his wife not to call in sick for him until they knew what was wrong.
When the results came back, the nurse informed them that, true to their suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
John's wife turned to John and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral parlour now?"
With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the more...

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks' Do you do custom work?''Why of course!''Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of myright thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside ofmy left thigh.''No problem,' says the artist.' Strip from the waist down and getup on the table.'After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly,' and Ican prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shopand grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreadingher legs.' Do you know who these men are?'The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutesand says.' I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says.
"It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says.
"It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along more...

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work."Who the heck's that?" she says."It's Paul McCartney", he replies."Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says."It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk more...