Thirty Jokes

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says "Shit. All I've got is thirty." She says, "Hold on."

She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?" Harry says, "A handjob." She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE penis.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?

A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, "What's the matter?" He says, "Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it looks like it can't wait to eat me."

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court. Police had rounded up a collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three hookers, all arrested on the same corner, stood before him. He asked the first what she had to say for herself.
The young woman was irate, "I have no idea what this is all about, your Honor. I am a college student doing research for a term paper."
Sighing, the Judge said, "Young lady, I would have thought you'd done enough 'research' by now. My computer indicates you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine." He then turned to the second woman and asked that she testify.
She began to cry and said, "Judge, I am only a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I don't understand why I was arrested."
The Judge shook his head and said, "Well, the officer tells me that he observed you handing a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' who was sitting more...

There was a man who traveled all around the world. Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her. On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages. He immediately bought it and sent it home to his mother.A few days later he calls his mother. "Did you like the parrot?" he asked her. "Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious." "WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it? That parrot wasn't for you to eat! It spoke thirty languages!"The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"

Once two friends were boasting about themselves.
Banta Singh: "Once my grandfather's wrist-watch fell into a well. When it was pulled out after thirty years it was still running.".
Santa Singh: "So what is so great about it? Once my grandfather himself fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive."
Banta Singh: "How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?"
Santa Singh: "Why not? He was winding your grandfather's wrist-watch."