Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her sons outburst, his mother said, "Dont you dare use that kind of language in here." "William Shakespeare did," replied Ben. "Well, youd better stop going around with him," said Mom.

Once there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his father. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy says, "Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."
"Wella Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You use this one to point to where ever you want to. You see your thumb? You use it to turn pages in a book, and your ring finger, you will use when you get married, and your little finger, you use to pick your nose. And the middle finger, well, I'll tell you about that one when you get married."
Little Tony was satisfied with that and time passed. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding and just before he was leaving with his bride, Tony went to have a talk with Papa.
Tony said, "Papa, many years ago you told me to use this finger to point at what I want, to turn pages with my thumb, to pick my nose with this little one, and to put my wedding ring on this one, but, Papa, what is it that more...

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring. The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O. K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere." On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway. On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didnt stop sucking his thumb, hed get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what youve been doing!"

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat."Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!""What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo got into a terrible argument.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," said Quasimodo and Tom Thumb in unison.
"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Quasimodo.
"I am the ugliest person in the world," announced Quasimodo.
"No, you're not," said Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
They decided they needed a mediator in order to get along. Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, was the ideal choice. Merlin summoned the trio to his palace, where he met with them individually.
Sleeping Beauty entered first and emerged just a moment later, beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world. Merlin said so."
Tom Thumb was next. He returned just as quickly and declared, "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin more...

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"