Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

Banta was driving down the street looking for a place to stop so he could go to the bathroom. He stopped at a bar and went inside.
"Bartender! Where is the bathroom, I really need to go?!" he asked.
The bartender pointed him to the bathroom. So Banta went to the bathroom and looked over to the side. There was no toilet paper!
"Oh no!"
He looked over again and saw a sign that said: If out of toilet paper use your thumb and ask the bartender for a "thumb wipe". "Bartender!" he said.
"What can I do for you?" asked the bartender.
"Um.. there was no toilet paper and I need a thumb wipe.
"Oh," said the bartender. "Put your thumb on the bar."
"On the bar?"
The bartender replied, "Yes, on the bar."
So Banta put his thumb on the bar and the bartender pulled out a hammer and slammed it hard on the Banta's thumb.
Banta's instant reaction was to put his thumb more...

A long time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy say's "papa, you do many many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."
"Well Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You usea thisa one to pointata what evea you wanta. You see youa thumb? You usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella you about thata one when you getta married."
Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with Papa. Tony said "Papa, many a year I use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages with my thumb, I've picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful ring on my finger from the love of my more...

I've tried all season to put my thumb on it, but perhaps the problem is bigger than my thumb.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

A man in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings out the order beginning with some hot soup. The customer notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup. Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn't mention it, and leaves the soup uneaten. When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes. Then in the coffee. Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his hot food. The waiter says, "I have arthritis and the doctor told me to keep it in something warm." The customer says, "why don't you stick it up your ass!" And the waiter says, "I do that in the kitchen!"

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said,' Don't you dare use that kind of language in this house.'
' William Shakespeare did,' replied Ben.
' Well, then, you'd better stop going around with him,' said mum.