Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest comes out of the church to find Little Johnny sitting on the steps. The boy is killing ants by smashing them with his thumb, saying, "Fucking ants," with each smash. The priest watches for a moment, horrified, before running over to Little Johnny.
"What are you doing!?!?!" the priest shouts at him.
"I'm killing these fucking ants," responds Little Johnny.
Visibly upset, the priest sits next to Little Johnny. "My son, don't you know that it is wrong to harm any of God's creatures? God created every living being and it is a sin to kill any of them, including ants."
Little Johnny thinks about this a minute and says to the priest, "But these ants don't do anything. They just bother people."
The priest responds, "Everything in life has a purpose my son, including these ants. I want you to go home and think about that. In fact, I challenge you to come back here in one week and see if you can think of three more...

CHRISTMAS CARD
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few
shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included
one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative
called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I
take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror -- wearing nothing but a camera!

MY FOOTSTEPS?
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about
her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the
doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little
girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my
heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in more...

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat." Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!""What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Thumb!
Thumb who?
Thumb like it hot and thumb like it cold!

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has, tires, or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.