Ticket Jokes / Recent Jokes

3 Pakistani`s & 3 Indians are traveling by train to a
cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the
station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as
the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks one of the INDIAN "Watch and learn
"answer one of the PAKISTANI`s.

They all board the train. the INDIANS take their
seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and
close the door behind them. Shortly after the train
departs, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets.

He knock on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm
emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it
and moves on.


The INDIANS see this and agree it was a clever idea.
so after the game, they decide to copy the PAKISTANI
style on the return more...

body: A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: "Don't Miss The Amazing Italian." Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old retired Italian. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Italian is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: "Don't Miss the Amazing Italian." He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Italian stands before more...

How did you get in?

With a friend's ticket.

Where's your friend?

Home looking for his ticket!

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job.' Forgive us our trespasses.'"

When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. `Lead us not into temptation.'"

There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Soccer World Cup. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was way up there. He couldn't see the game, so he began looking around.
Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was seating there.
The man replied, "No." So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.
"Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?"
The man answers, "Oh, that was my wife's seat."
"Where is she?" the guy replied.
"She died."
"Oh, I'm sorry...don't you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or friend?"
"No, they couldn't come."
"Why?"
"Because they are at her funeral."

One of the world greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," he said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train.
The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and more...