Tight Jokes / Recent Jokes

Observing his female coworker's tight jeans fit, a man asked in wonderment and admiration, "How DO you get into those pants?"

"Oh, some nice flowers, a little wine, and dinner at a chic restaurant is usually a goodstart," she replied.

Her pussy is so tight, Kanye West was hitting it and said "This Bush doesn't like black people"

In downtown Roanoke, at a crowded bus stop, a good friend of mine was waiting for her bus. She's very attractive and was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more more...

The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda, the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of the boa constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs between three and four hundred pounds at the maximum.
This is what the manual said:
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic.
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. more...

Two blondes were skiing at Aspen, when they got into a debate about the best way to ski down a particular hill. “The best way is down the left side of the course, where it’s nearly all powder, ” said the first blonde. “No, the best way is straight down the middle, where the snow is packed tight, ” argued the other. “Look, ” said the first blonde. “Let’s get another opinion. There’s a guy dragging a sled up the hill. Let’s go ask him. ” The second blonde agreed, and in a few minutes the two of them caught up with the guy. “Excuse me, ” said the first blonde. “I say the best way to ski down this hill is to take the left side of the course, where it’s nearly all powder, but my friend thinks the best way is straight down the middle, where the snow is packed tight. Can you tell us who’s right? ” “Sorry, ladies, ” said the man, “but there’s no use in asking me. I’m a tobogganist. ” “Oh, ” said the second blonde. “Well, in that case, can more...

"Men, Women, and Dogs" (New Show)
All we had at time of press is that this series will star former MTV VJ Bill Bellamy. It is unclear whether he will portray a man, woman or dog.
"Smallville" (New Show)
Tom Welling was cast as Clark Kent based on the strength of his performance in CBS's "Judging Amy." The fact that Tom possesses the powers of flight, heat vision and freeze breath had nothing to do with it.
"The Young Plastic Man Chronicles" (New Show)
The stretchy comic-book hero gets his own prequel show following "Smallville." Young Plas grapples with the trials of adolescence and having a penis that stretches to infinite lengths.
"Off Centre" (New Show)
This humourous comedy deals with the lives of colourful British football centres with day jobs: one drives a lorry, the other operates a lift. In the pilot episode they go on holiday but end up in hospital.
"Elimidate Deluxe" (New more...

THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK OF FOOTBALL
Do you remember primary school/junior high/high school? Do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?...
Well forget'em! This is **FOOTBALL**. With the all new standardized guide to Football, you can forget any of the previous complications of having to remember what second base was or any of that shit. And you wonder why there is a strike in Baseball and not Football! Quite simply, Baseball is a boring, confusing, and often an ambiguous game especially when trying to compare it to sexual experiences. Whereas Football was invented for the soul purpose of understanding where you and your friends are at. Basically the game of Football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered that yet, but as you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily solved here, in The Original Handbook of Football!
Okay now for the yard lines.
your 10 yrd ln... holding hands
" 20 yrd ln... hugging
" 30 yrd more...