Together Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following;
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa ta spella Mississippi."

A bus stops in New Orleans, and two obviously Italian guys get on and sit down, engaged in lively conversation. A Boston tourist sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her ears perk up like two missiles leaving a silo when she hears one of the guys say,
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
The woman wheels around. "You foul-mouthed swine!" she shouts indignantly.
"Where I come from, we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," says the guy. "Imma no saying anyting abouta sex-Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got
stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle
of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
H. 2 American men and 1 American woman
I. 2 Iranian men and 1 Iranian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for
the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are
living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule
of when they alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the
Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a more...

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explain that she was a physical therapist, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!" she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnoooo, I'll be all right. I'll will be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hand inside. After a more...

A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning, but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.

Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, who had also managed to survive this far, but she was unconscious and barely breathing. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing and conscious again.

She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford! Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in more...

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:............. What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!............. Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you............ have such an ugly
baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love......... After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life........... I never
believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....... that you're not
here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!.......... I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,......... I would like more...