Tom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tom drops in on the golf course wanting to play an impromptu round of golf. The golf pro explains that they're pretty busy, but there is a woman about to tee off by herself, and if Tom hurries, he can play with her.
Tom rushes down, and asks the woman if he can join her. Mary introduces herself, and says "Yes." Well Tom and Mary immediately hit it off. They were golfing, talking, laughing, having the time of their lives.
When they got to the 17th tee, Mary invited Tom into the woods for a blow-job. Of course, Tom agreed.
When the game was over, Tom asked Mary if she would like to play again the following week. The two of them started having a regular weekly game, with Mary's special bonus for Tom just off the 17th tee.
One day, after a few months of this, Mary told Tom, "I have something very important to tell you." "What is it?" Tom asked nervously, "Has someone found out about us?"
"Actually," Mary said, more...

George Bush went jogging one morning and came upon the Washington monument. He said, "George, what should I do?" After a few seconds George replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over." George thought about this for a few seconds and continued jogging.
Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and stopped. He said "Tom, what should I do?" After a few seconds Tom replied, "Abolish welfare and start over."
George continued jogging after thinking about this and came upon the Lincoln Memorial. He said, "Abe, what should I do?" After a few seconds Abe replied "Why don't you take the night off and go to the theater?"

One day in English class at Horowitz High School in L. A., Tom Robbins, the famous writer, comes to lecture the class on creative writing. After discussing how to write a short story, he says, "Okay, for a successful short story, there are four essential ingredients: religion, sex, politicians, and mystery. And it should be concise and to the point."
"No problem!" shouts Bobby Babblebrain, Boris's young punk son, from the back of the room. And he scribbles something on a scrap of paper. He hands it to Tom. On it is written:
A Short Story.
"Jesus Christ!" screams Nancy Reagan. "I'm pregnant again. I wonder who the hell did it this time?"

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that. Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy & Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing."

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn`t happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

I was in the airport VIP lounge route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?" "Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. "Hi, Tom," he said. I replied, "Shut up, more...

Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop...suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off. .. one jumped up and headed for the door. .. his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know you were a fireman!" Tom replied, "I'm not, but my girlfriend's husband is..."