Tomato Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ok well a guy whos still in college still shares his room with his little brother. He has the top bunk and his brother has the bottom. One day him and his girlfriend come home and they go to the top bunk and you know things start heating up. Then he remembers about his little brother so he says to his girlfriend "if you want it harder say tomato and if you want a different position say lettuce". so then LETTUCE! TOMATO! LETTUCE! etc... Then his little brother wakes up and says "Hey quit making sandwiches your two, your getting mayonase all over me!"

Absolute ZeroAbsolute vodka over frozen nitrogen
Alexander the GrrreatGin, creme de cacao and sweet cream over Cornflakes
American in ParisKentucky bourbon and champagne
Black SabbathKahlua and Mogen David wine
Blind FaithWood alcohol and sacramental wine
Blood ClotVodka, tomato juice and Jell-O
Bloody AwfulVodka and ketchup
Blue MoonCorn whiskey and Aqua Velva
Coleman CoolerWhite wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs and sand
Fuzzy Naval BasePeach schnapps, orange juice and ammonia
George BushGeorge Dickel bourbon and Busch beer
GorbachevVodka with a splash of port wine
Honeydew the DishesMidori and Dawn
Marie AntoinetteBourbon, cake mix, and flat beer
MartinizerGin, vermouth and carbon tetrachloride
Mary PoppinsVodka, tomato juice and a spoonful of sugar
Mexican HairlessTequila and Minoxidil
Oil of OleMazola and Sangria
Peter, Paul, and MaryPotassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine and tomato juice
Phillips' more...

A six-year old and a sixteen-year old shared bunk beds, the younger on the bottom bunk, the older on the top. One night, the older one waited for the younger one to go to sleep so he and his girlfriend could have sex.
When the six-year old finally fell asleep, the older one and his girlfriend began. They were starting to get a little loud, so he said, "When you want it harder say lettuce, and when you want to switch positions say tomato."
So, she said, "Lettuce... Tomato... Lettuce... Tomato."
Shortly thereafter, the 6-year old woke up and said, "Would you guys stop making sandwiches up there. The mayonnaise is dripping on me!"

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.
One night he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up. The big guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below, so he tells his girlfriend to whisper:
"
lettuce"
if she wants it harder and "
tomato"
if she wants a new position.
"
Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! She screams.
Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Whoa.
PULL IT OUT!!! PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant.
Then the little brother shouts up.
"
Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there!
You're getting mayonnaise all over my more...

three tomatoes were walking, really in a harry. father tomato, mother tomato and son tomato.son tomato could cope with the pace of the parent.after a while father tomato realise son tomato was behind.he got angry, rashed back and smashed him and said ketchap.

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?""No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous...."

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter.

"Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.

"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."

"What's a Midnight Special?"

"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."

"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"

"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out:

"One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"