Tonight Jokes / Recent Jokes

While we generally have nothing but contempt for the sassy feminine rejoinder to a forthright masculine proposition, we must express a grudging degree of admiration for the logic displayed by one beautiful chick. The doll in question was being entertained at the apartment of a friend of ours, and at the proper moment he employed the time-honored verbal gambit:
"Come on, baby. Let's live for tonight."
For a moment she considered the prospect happily, but then her limpid blue orbs clouded over, and she replied:
"Yes, but suppose we survive?"

Chemistry Wonderland

Gases explode, are you listenin'
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if what's left is nitrate
My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?"
and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?"

Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.

This was a Typo from Jack-in-the-Box
1. Come in for our new Chihuahua (Chibatta, Don't ask.)Sandwich.
2. Newspaper
Look ravished (ravishing) for your big day.
3. Church Newsletter
Come tonight to see famous missionary Bobby Belch. Come hear Bobby Belch from Africa.
4. Sunday School Lesson: Jesus Walks on Water
Tonight's Lesson: Finding Jesus
5. Tonight's Sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early to listen to our choir perform.

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold; and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the more...

A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed. The husband says, "I thought we'd have sex tonight." The wife replies, "No, I'm too tired tonight." The husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says, "Yes, it is, thank you." The husband says, "OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend."

Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months, he walks to work every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. After about 2 months he saves the $300. 00 the shoes cost and purchases them.
Each Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance at the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"
Sophia, startled, says " Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"
Giorgio replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300. 00 Bocceli leather shoes, How do you like them?
Next he asks Rosa to dance, after a few minutes he says to her "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"
Rosa answers!, " Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that.
He answers, more...

The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...