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> Lesson number one
> ----------------
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
> rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
> nothing all day long?"
>
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
> the crow, and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story is:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>
> Lesson number two
> ----------------
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed
> the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
> bull. They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually more...
Some Words of Wisdom... The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age and few men act theirs. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Forget about world peace... Visualize using your turn signal. WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart? Make it idiot-proof and someone will more...
Dear friends and family,
I shall be making your Christmas presents this year, so let me
know your sizes. Christmas is tight for me this year, but I've
learned to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads You need four
maxis to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot
part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the
foot part. Then decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk
flowers, etc. and you're done.
These slippers are soft AND Hygienic. Non-slip grip strips on
the soles, plus the built-in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling
fresh. No more bending over to mop up spills, either! They're
disposable and biodegradable, and environmentally safe. Not only
that, but they come in three convenient sizes, Regular, Light day,
and Get out the Sand Bags.
Have the Happiest of holidays........
Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
TOP TEN REASONS MICROSOFT INVESTED $150 MILLION IN APPLE
10. Bill Gates found spare change in his trousers
9. First and last month's rent on empty office space in Cupertino
8. Fee: Steve Jobs to give charisma lessons to Microsoft CEO
7. Two words: Rhapsody 98
6. Small price to pay for world domination
5. Bill to Larry: I own you now, too
4. Jobs and Woz threw in a signed Apple I as part of the deal
3. Best way to assure Gates a starring role in next Pixar
animated feature
2. Easier than bribing entire Justice Department
1. Strategic move: Apple users now hate Jobs more than Gates
On the first day of the tenth month of the Islamic lunar calendar, Muslims celebrate the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting. This is one of two holidays celebrated throughout the Islamic world. Also known as Eid ul Fitr, Idu'l Fitar, Seker Bayram (Turkey), and Hari Raya Puasa (Southeast Asia). A DIETER'S CHRISTMAS
' Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should more...
Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what's going on. He tells his mother "Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better." "Johnny you are getting more and more like your father everyday." His mother says.