Tracks Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet and bashed the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Two blondes are walking through the woods and come upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said that they were moose tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

There are 3 hunters in the woods, they're all telling each other what they're are going to shoot. The first one says he's going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck''. So the second hunter says "I'm gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe''. So the 3rd hunter says, ''I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see''. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''

Three guys went on a hunting weekend. The first day they all headed out their separate ways, but only the black haired guy had any luck.
Back at the cabin, his 2 buddies asked him how he got the deer. He said, "It was easy. I saw the tracks. I followed the tracks. I saw the deer. I shot the deer."
The next day, they all headed out again. This time the red-head came back with a deer.
Back at the cabin, the other 2 asked him how he got the deer, to which he replied, "Well, it was just like we were told. I saw the tracks. I followed the tracks. I saw the deer. I shot the deer."
The third day they headed out again. At the end of the day they all headed back to the cabin, but when the blond guy arrived he was all beaten and bloodied.
"What happened to YOU?" his buddies asked.
"Well," he said, "I tried to do what you said. I saw the tracks. I followed the tracks. Train hit me!"

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived in a house that had train tracks running behind it. The boy's father always warned him against playing around the train tracks, but boys will be boys so he often played around the tracks despite the warnings from his father.
One day, after playing by the tracks all afternoon, the tired and sat down on the tracks to rest. Before he knew it, a train came by, ran over his ass, and cut part of it off.
When the boy's father came home and discovered what had happened, he told the boy that not only would he have to go through the rest of his life missing part of his ass, that he was greatly disappointed in him for not heeding his warnings.
That night, unable to sleep, the boy laid in bed pondering about going through the rest of his life half ass and how disappointed his father was at him. Suddenly he had an idea. He went out to the tracks and began searching for the lost part of his ass. If only he can find it, he thought, I more...

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.