Tracks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "that does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and chief asked, "how did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck". The captain then said, "I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6-point buck. The chief asked, "how did you get that?" The captain replied, "I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The chief not wanting to be out done said "I am out of here, I am g oing to bag the biggest buck of more...

There were 3 guys, 2 smart ones, and a dumb one. They were all going hunting. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear.
The dumb guy asked him "How did you get that huge Grizzly bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear."
Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear.
The dumb guy asked him, "How did you get that huge black bear?"
The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear.
So the dumb guy went out and came back all bloody and cut up.
The smart guys said, "What happened to you?"
The dumb guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train."

A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. Whilestanding in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears thiswhistle - Whooee da Whoee! - but doesn't know what it is.Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It wasonly a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internalinjuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's houseattending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hearsthe teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closetand proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizablelump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my goodtea kettle?"The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they'resmall."

There were 3 blondes who found a jeanie. He granted each of them a wish. The first wished she was 50% smarter - poof she's a BRUNETTE, the second wished she was 25% smarter - poof she's a REDHEAD, the third wished she was 50% dumber - poof she's a BLOND MAN. Two blonds were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. Q. What do turtls and blondes have in common?
A. When they are on their back, they are both fucked! Two blondes are walking in the woods when one looks down and says," Look dog poop" The other bends down and smells it," Smells like dog poop" They both stick there fingers in it"feels like dog poop" They taste it" Taste like dog poop" One says to the other "Sure glad we didin't step in it."