Tractor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you here about the new tractor Reagan designed for farmers?
It has no seat or steering wheel.
It's meant for the farmer that lost his ass and doesn't know
which direction he's going.
Wendell Wilcox

A friend of mine told me that his brother shot a nice 9-point buck this hunting season. While back at the farm one evening, his twin four year old nephews came for a visit. The uncle, being extremely proud of his prize deer, asked the boys if they would like to see it. They did. So they went down to the machine shed, where the buck was hanging for all to see.
The uncle stepped up to the door of the machine shed, and with his chest puffed out in pride, swung the door of the shed open.
"Wow!" exclaimed one of the boys. "Look at that John Deere tractor!"
And the two of them ran over to the tractor, completely ignoring the deer.
Needless to say, the uncle's hunting partners are not letting him forget this. I heard a rumor that he is getting a toy John Deere tractor for Christmas this year.

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."
The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, more...

The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule. His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him. Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden." The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim refused because a bargain was a bargain. He loaded the dead mule on his truck and left. A couple of months later, the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a new $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when, not too long ago, all he had was the $125 more...

A big city, Colorado, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and more...

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"

Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner backs hard to avoid them, skids, tumbles twice and lands in a field. Jimmy say to Eamonn, "It's just as well we got out of that field."