Trade Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes. 5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put more...
ABC Stock reaches $155. $155 for a stock that should be valued at $100. Wow!!!!
That's it I say to myself. It's time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself "This stock is overvalued. It can't sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!"
I phone my broker.
"How can I help you Mr. Junkie."
"I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC." After a few seconds he says,
"I am sorry Mr. Junkie. I can't process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms."
I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it more...
[For the occasional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun.
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining unactivated disks for backup of downloaded data.
Get 1000 people to all activate all of their disks at the same time. Monitor trade journals to see which disk storage manufacturer gets AOL's order for new more...
David Wells was traded Thursday from the Boston Red Sox to the Padres, who believe the free-spirited lefty will provide the lift they need as they contend for a postseason berth.
Minutes after the trade announcement, several Boston area Dunkin Donuts flew their flags at half-staff to mourn the loss of their all time best customer.
Also mourning the Wells trade...
Every biker bar, rib joint, strip club, and asian fetish whorehouse in New England.
It was a dark, stormy, night. Santa was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A Brigadier stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous Santa snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The Brigadier, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but Santa wasn't going to disagree with the Brigadier, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The Brigadier continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
Santa didn't agree, but then Santa was just a soldier, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The Brigadier, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
Santa glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The Brigadier more...
[This is an original creation except as noted below]
[For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
a signature seen on the net.]
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
unactivated disks for backup more...
1. Compaq is considering changing the instruction "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in.
3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to FAX anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to FAX a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor's screen and pressing the "Send" key.
5. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find the printer." The user had also more...