Traditional Jokes / Recent Jokes

Traditional: Farm animal must be killed by ritual slaughterer using a sharply honed knife that must not have a single nick on its blade.
Reform: Farm animal must be told that it has the right to an attorney.
Traditional: Will not combine meat with milk.
Reform: Will not combine meat with chocolate milk.
Traditional: One set of dishes for meat, another set for dairy.
Reform: One set of dishes exclusively for cheeseburgers.
Traditional: Hire "shabbos goy" to perform religiously prohibited tasks.
Reform: Hire "Orthodox Jew" to perform religiously required tasks.
Traditional: Try to concentrate on prayers, achieve sense of being in the presence of the divine.
Reform: Try to figure out when to stand up, when to sit down, and what page everyone is on.
Traditional: Women required to sit in synagogue balcony, apart from men.
Reform: Women and men sit together, davening suggestively.
Traditional: Strong disapproval of women more...

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. “Pull down your pants, ” whispered the pastor. “Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind, ” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service. ”

An engaged couple met with their pastor to set the date for their wedding. During the meeting, the pastor asked them whether they preferred to have a contemporary or a traditional service. They chose a contemporary service.
On the day of the big event there was a major storm, which caused the groom to take a different route to the church. Since the streets were flooded, he rolled up his trouser legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom replied. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

An engaged couple met with their pastor to set the date for their wedding. During the meeting, the pastor asked them whether they preferred to have a contemporary or a traditional service. They chose a contemporary service.
On the day of the big event there was a major storm, which caused the groom to take an alternate route to the church. Since the streets were flooded, he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom replied. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

Friendship Plan Announced

This is an addendum to the new compensation/benefits package.

BOEING MANAGED FRIENDSHIP

Welcome to Boeing Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships at work. With all the recent mergers and buyouts, it is difficult for most people to determine who their real friends are anymore. The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship network with company-approved representation and important cost-saving features.

How Does It Work?

Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.

What's Wrong with my Current Friends?

If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services from a network of friendship providers haphazardly patched together from your old neighborhoods, more...

Vatican Rescinds' Blessed' Status of World's Meek-' Screw the Meek,' Says Pope
VATICAN CITY--In a historic reversal of its nearly 2, 000-year-old pro-meek stance, the Catholic Church announced Tuesday that it is permanently rescinding the traditional "blessed" status of the world's meek.
"Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ once said,' Blessed are the meek,'" said Pope John Paul II in a papal bull read before the College of Cardinals. "However, there has always been a tacit understanding between the Church and the meek that this' blessed' status was conditional upon their inheritance of the Earth, an event which seems unlikely to happen anytime in the foreseeable future. Our relationship, therefore, must be terminated."
"Screw the meek," the pope added.
Citing "two millennia of inaction and non-achievement" by the world's impoverished and downtrodden, the pope contended that the meek's historic inability to improve more...

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.

"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."