Traditional Jokes / Recent Jokes
A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He`s going to really ticked if it`s not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.
When she got home, she realized that she didn`t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all more...
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I want the traditional service."
One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided to play a trick.
She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in the oven.
When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out this little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you killed a pregnant bird!!!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took my mother two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided
to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from
the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the
turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a Cornish
game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in
the oven.
When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of
the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving
spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out this little
bird!
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed,
"Patricia, you killed a pregnant bird!!!!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took my mother two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs
PLEASE NOTE: If you find jokes about Christianity offensive... DO NOT READ THIS JOKE!
Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status of World's Meek- 'Screw the Meek,' Says Pope
VATICAN CITY-In a historic reversal of its nearly 2,000-year-old pro-meek stance, the Catholic Church announced Tuesday that it is permanently rescinding the traditional "blessed" status of the world's meek.
"Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ once said, 'Blessed are the meek,'" said Pope John Paul II in a papal bull read before the College of Cardinals. "However, there has always been a tacit understanding between the Church and the meek that this 'blessed' status was conditional upon their inheritance of the Earth, an event which seems unlikely to happen anytime in the foreseeable future. Our relationship, therefore, must be terminated."
"Screw the meek," the pope added.
Citing "two millennia of inaction and non-achievement" by the world's impoverished more...
PLEASE NOTE: If you find jokes about Christianity offensive... DO NOT READ THIS JOKE!
Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status of World's Meek- 'Screw the Meek,' Says Pope
VATICAN CITY-In a historic reversal of its nearly 2,000-year-old pro-meek stance, the Catholic Church announced Tuesday that it is permanently rescinding the traditional "blessed" status of the world's meek.
"Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ once said, 'Blessed are the meek,'" said Pope John Paul II in a papal bull read before the College of Cardinals. "However, there has always been a tacit understanding between the Church and the meek that this 'blessed' status was conditional upon their inheritance of the Earth, an event which seems unlikely to happen anytime in the foreseeable future. Our relationship, therefore, must be terminated."
"Screw the meek," the pope added.
Citing "two millennia of inaction and non-achievement" by the world's impoverished more...