Trains Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: Theyre intended for children, but its the men who usually end up playing with them.

Santa Used To Drive Trains(Local Trains). One Day His Train Came Down From Its Tracks And Went Inside The Village.
Passengers: What Did You Do? For You We Were Going To Loose Our Lives.
Santa: What Can I Do, A Man Came In Front Of My Train.
Passenger: Why Didn't You Kill Him.
Santa: That Is What I Was Doing But The Man Ran Inside The Field.

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. “If you get a train, ” I would tell each one, “you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay? ”
The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, “Another train. ”

Ed was applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
When they met, the inspector decided to give Ed a pop quiz. "What would you do if you realized that two trains were headed towards each other on the same track?" the inspector asked.
"I would switch one of the trains to another track," answered Ed.
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then, I would run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," a confident Ed replied.
"What if that lever had been struck by lightning?" the inspector challenged.
"In that case," Ed continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?" the inspector asked.
"Well, then I would run to the street level and use the public phone near the station," Ed argued.
"What if it had been more...

For Theresa Muir who requested Canadian / Newfie humour:
Back in the days when trains ran in Newfoundland, a passenger was travelling from Corner Brook to St. John'n when, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous thump and bang followed by a really rough ride for a few seconds. This was followed by another thump, bang and the ride became smooth again.
Just then, the conductor was passing through the car, so the passenger asked, "What happened back there?"
The conductor replied, "Oh, we just ran over a mainlander."
The passenger asked, "What, was he lying on the track?"
The conductor replied, "Oh no, he was out in the field but we got him!"