Trash Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do white people put their trash out in clear garbage bags?
So the Puerto Ricans can go window shopping!

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but more...

Sweeping and Mopping the Floors
Have dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs...(any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit cat... may have to add tuna water to spot). If you don't have a dog or cat... well you are in trouble.... go find one roaming the neighbourhood quick!
Vacuuming
Call for demo from salesman. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house... insisting the carpet looks the same... but really is different in all parts of the house. Tips for success: Don't always call same company... keep a chart and rotate.
Dusting
Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag over everything quickly (don't even waste your precious time on the Pledge or Endust... that's minutes away from your computer... and that just is unacceptable!) For the illusion of using those products... spray a few squirts to air like air freshener.
Laundry
First find a good place to hide it! more...

Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few
weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.

That is of course until the school year began. On the first day of school three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day of school, came down his street. As they walked down the street they beat rhythmically on every trash can they past. Day after day, it was the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm
on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians. As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on
the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express
themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. more...

A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe.
Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. Since pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocket from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes. After looking in a mirror at the holes in his clothing, he decided to toss his clothes in the trash as well.
A policeman observed all this and asked the man for identification. The man produced a document that he was an ordained minister of the gospel. So, of course, the policeman promptly escorted him to a mental institution.
The minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust treatment.
"Look, it's the best place for you now," the policeman replied, "Anyone claiming to be a preacher, but who doesn't save more...

10. He's married and says he's gonna leave his wife. Liar! What other bitch would be stupid enough to cook for him.
9. He's a one nighter and rolls over after all is said and done and says, "What are you doing tonight. I have a date, her name is Sonya. We met over the internet."
8. He is a taxi driver who tells you his lady is crazy because she wants anal sex. The only one thats crazy is her for listening.
7. He's a millionaire who retired at 34 and tells you your friends sound like white trash. White trash, show some respect. Who else are your peeps gonna friend in rehab.
6. You are dating a drug dealer. But hey, at least this one has a job.
5. He says he lives in a sober facility and you think that is so sexy.
4. He not only lives in a sober facility but is a disgruntled Jew. His exact words, "My people worship the almighty dollar." Shut the hell up you little turd. Some people had to suck dick for those drugs. You at least had the trust more...

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. It is against the city ordinance to hang your more...