Trash Jokes / Recent Jokes

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P. M. on Thursdays. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. It is against the city ordinance to hang your more...

Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound...
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
Call spouse to clean up more...

There were these three girls: a brunette, a red head, and a blonde. They were all running from the police for the same thing.
So they all run into an alley. There is nothing there but a trash can, a dumpster, and a potato sack.
So then the brunette runs and jump in the trash can and says "when the police come and kick the trash can ima sound like a cat meow meow.
Then the red head goes and jumps in the dumpster and says "when the police come and kick the dumpster ima sound like a dog woof woof.
then the blonde is looking around and says "well there is nothing left but a potato sack.
So the police come into the alley and kicks the trash can and the brunette says meow meow like a cat. then they go and kick the dumpster and the red head goes woof woof like a dog. finally the go to the potato sack and kick it and the blonde goes po-ta-to!!

your mommas so ugly a little boy asked her why she was so dirty and she said i have been taking out the trash and he said was the there a lot of trash? and she said sure then he said well why in the world did you play in the trash for?

-Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? It doesn't show the dirt. - Who makes all the bras for brunettes? Fisher-Price-Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. - Why are most brunettes flat-chested? It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts. - Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache. - Why is the color brunette considered evil? When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch?-How can you tell a brunette is lonely? Check her for a pulse. - What is the most frustrated animal in the world? A brunette rabbit. - Why do brunettes wear training bras? It's cheaper than changing their Band-Aids every day. - Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls? Parents felt the dandruffmight be contagious. - How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair? With a rake. - Why don't brunettes get breast implants? They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants. - Why did God create brunettes? So ugly men more...

Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside!
No, outside!"
Call someone to help clean up mess.
Fix a drink.
Sit back in Lazy Boy with large, more...

Q: What is the difference between a Ph. D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: more...