Treatment Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I'm having trouble getting my penis erect. Can you help me?". After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks, "What is the treatment?" "Well," the Doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of more...
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said,' That's once.'
We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again.
Once more my wife quietly said,
'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said,' That's once.'"
The Pope had been diagnosed as having a potentially fatal testicular disease and after treatment he was told that he had to have sex with a woman to confirm that the treatment had been fully successful. He called all his Cardinals together and told them what he had to be done and they agreed it was necessary.
The Pope said he would go ahead with it but insisted on four conditions.
"Firstly", he said " the girl has to be blind so she cannot see it's the Holy Father and tell the whole world"
"Secondly, she must be deaf so that she doesn't recognize the Holy Father's voice and tell the whole world"
"Thirdly, as a precaution, she has to be dumb so she cannot tell the whole world anyway".
At this point one of the Cardinals stood up and said " Leave it to me Holy Father, I know just the woman for you"
As the Cardinal was about to leave the Pope said " wait a moment, I told you there are four more...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him up at 5: 00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5: 00 AM. " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9: 00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5: 00 AM, Wake up."
How NOT to behave in your Doctor's Office
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OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here are is a guide of what to do and not to do
Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient's' HYPOCRATIC' Code')
1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They've already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain
2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.
3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn't look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing
4. IT'S STILL SEXUAL HARRASSMENT Even if you're babes, your sustained more...
A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research more...
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -"What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major. He goes to the next bed." What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major. He goes to the next bed." What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?" "To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush more...