Treatment Jokes / Recent Jokes

People for Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today
that more software companies have been added to the group's "watch list"
of companies that regularly practice software testing. "There is no
need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like
these can market new products," said Ken Grandola, spokesperson for
PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo
lenghty and arduous tests, often without rest, for hours or days at a
time. Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means
necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about
"torturing" the software.
"It's no joke," said Grandola. "Innocent programs, from the day
they are compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and "crashed" for hours
on end. They spend their whole lives more...

After 30 days of intensive therapy, Britney says she is now "completely heterosexual." (Or was that Ted Haggard?)

The'Promises Malibu Alcohol and Drug Rehab Treatment Facility' says Spears was a model client, and is looking forward to her successfully completing its program several more times this year.

One Man Went To Consult As He Is Very Thin And Doesn't Grow Well After Having Enough Food, After Diagnosis Doctor Said There Is A Worm Inside His Stomach It Eats Everything You Eat And The Man Asked For The Treatment. Doctor Prescribed The Treatment "From Tomorrow Onwards When You Come To See Myself Come With A Banana And An Apple". The Net Day He Came With A Banana And An Apple. Doctor Told Him To Eat The Banana And Insert The Apple Through His Back Hole. After One Month Treatment There Is No Change Except Size Of The Back Hole Increased So That The Apple Can Be Thrown Through The Hole Freely. He Told The Doctor " Doctor There Is No Change In My Physical Condition After One Month Of Treatment " Doctor Told Him "When You Come Tomorrow Come With A Banana And A Hammer Instead Of Apple". The Next Day He Came With Banana And The Hammer. Doctor Let The Man To Eat The Banana First And Wait For A Five Minutes While The Worm Come Out From His Stomach And Told The more...

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting mypenis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well theproblem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penisare damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except ifyou're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctorexplains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of ababy elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go forit." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light touse his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for hisgirl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in thecity. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legsthat continued to the point more...

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir. ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front, Sir. ”
“Good man, ” said the Major.

He went to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic piles, Sir. ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front, Sir. ”
“Good man, ” barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day. ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir! ”

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting more...

But is it good for the environment?
Anchorage, Alaska, requested an exemption from an Environmental Protection Agency rule requiring cities to remove at least 30 percent of "organic waste" from incoming sewage before treating it. Officials pointed out that the city had so little organic waste to begin with that its sewage before treatment than most cities' sewage after treatment. The EPA, nevertheless, insisted that the city comply with the rule, forcing it to have to pay fish processors to dump unused fish parts into city sewers so there would be enough organic waste to remove.