Treatment Jokes / Recent Jokes
How NOT to behave in your Doctor's Office
OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here are is a guide of what to do and not to do.
Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient's "HYPOCRATIC" Code")
1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They've already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain
2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.
3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn't look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing.
4. IT'S STILL SEXUAL HARASSMENT Even if you're babes, your sustained and repeated come-ons to pay in more...
A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief.
After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and.."
He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".
"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles.
This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head.
Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you more...
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erected. Can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you, except, if you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his more...
OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here are is a guide of what to do and not to do.
Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient's "HYPOCRATIC" Code")
1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They've already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain
2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.
3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn't look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing.
4. IT'S STILL SEXUAL HARASSMENT Even if you're babes, your sustained and repeated come-ons to pay in "trade" are still harassment.
5. more...
Excerpted from the book "Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest," (c) 1996 by John J Kohut and Roland Sweet
Anchorage, Alaska, requested an exemption from an Environmental Protection Agency rule requiring cities to remove at least 30 percent of "organic waste" from incoming sewage before treating it. Officials pointed out that the city had so little organic waste to begin with that its sewage before treatment than most cities' sewage after treatment. The EPA, nevertheless, insisted that the city comply with the rule, forcing it to have to pay fish processors to dump unused fish parts into city sewers so there would be enough organic waste to remove.
A rather naive young man named Lester had recently reached manhood and had no idea why he was continuously nervous and tense. He went to see his doctor. The M. D. was not in, but his nurse was, a red-headed vixen who wore her uniform so tight that Lester's jitters noticeably increased. She asked him what was wrong and he told her. She eyed him appraisingly.
"That's easy to fix," she said. "Come with me." She led Lester into a small examination room, and there relieved his tensions.
As he was preparing to leave, she said, "That will be twenty dollars." And quite satisfied, Lester was pleased to pay.
Several weeks went by, and Lester found the same unrest growing in him again. He returned to the doctor's office and this time the doctor was in. He listened to Lester's symptoms, then wrote out a prescription on a piece of paper and handed it to him.
"This is for tranquilizers," the doctor said. "You can have it filled more...
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"
"Good man!" says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"
"Good man!" says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush more...