Treatment Jokes / Recent Jokes
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -
“What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir! ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir! ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir! ”
“Good man! ” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic piles, Sir! ”
“What treatment are you getting? ”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir! ”
“What’s your ambition? ”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir! ”
“Good man! ” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier? ”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir! ”
“What treatment are you getting? more...
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread more...
An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each more...
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting mypenis erect, can you help me?"After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well theproblem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penisare damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except ifyou're willing to try an experimental treatment."Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctorexplains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of ababy elephant and implant them in your penis."Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go forit."A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light touse his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for hisgirl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in thecity. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legsthat continued to the point of more...
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well, the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"
"Well," the Doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack, "Healed and ready for action."
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a more...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his (also a mute).
In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!), "Oh, you can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now!"
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. It seems that he had gone to a specialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords. Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. They got an appointment that very afternoon.
After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that there was no permanent damage, that the mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well.
"Yes, yes" signed the mute. "Let's have the first treatment right now!"
"Very well," replies the specialist.
"Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the more...