Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in thevicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.

After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.

“Sure, ” said the Pro, “What’s your Handicap? ”

“Well, it’s 16, ” said the Businessman, “But I don’t see the relevance since I shall be playing alone. ”

“No, it’s very important for us to know, ” said the Pro. The Pro then called a Caddy.

“Go out with this Gentleman, ” said the Pro, “his handicap is 16. ”

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no more...

It's Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to look at it. "Well, Paddy, What do you think?" "Sorry, Shaun, this tree won't do. Let's try another one". They come upon another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it. "How about this one, Paddy?" "Not quite, Shaun. Let's keep looking". This goes on until nightfall. Both Paddy and Shaun are cold, tired, and hungry. "Well, Paddy, what do we do now?" "Shaun, I think we should take home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not..."

Q: Why doesn't money grow on trees?
A: Because the banks control all of the branches.

Why Are All The Roads In France Lined With Trees?
Because The Germans Like To March In The Shade.

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them.

One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

A lumberjack had raised his only son & had managed to finance the young man's college education by the only way he knew how, cutting down trees, by hand. The young man had helped his father cut down some of those trees. He knew how hard his father had to work to put him through college. When the son started college he promised himself the first thing he would do was to buy his father a present that would make the old man's life easier. The son saved & scrimped & finally had enough money to purchase the finest chain saw in the world. On a school vacation the son asks his dad how many trees could he cut down in one day. The father a large husky man thought and said on a good day he was able to bring down 20 trees. The son gave the father the brand new chain saw & said from now on he would be able to triple the amount and only work half as hard. The old man was very pleased and said he had the best son in the world. The young man left for school the next morning & wasn't able to return more...

The Laws Of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant, "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more more...