Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Bill Gates died in an automible accident. When he was taken up to meet "Him", He told Bill "Bill, you have done alot of things for this world, you changed the way technology works. You were a great man so I am going to let you chose where you want to go Heaven or Hell." Bill said, "Can I see them first?" So bill went and saw what Hell looked like, 'It had a beach, palm trees, it was beautiful, sunny, there were rivers, to say the least it was beautiful. Bill was shocked, if this was hell then what did Heaven look like. So he went and checked it out. In heaven there were angels playing harps and it was relaxing. After thinking on it he decided to go to hell, so he got his wish! About a week later"He" went to check up on Bill, when He came, Bill yelled, "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BEAUTIFUL BEACHES AND THE PALM TREES AND THE RIVERS. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUN. AFTER YOU DROPPED ME OFF ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL THNGS DISAPPERED AND THESE LITTLE CREAUTRES more...

Why do dinosaurs climb trees? There's nothing else to climb in the jungle.

Q: What do little trees say on Halloween? A: Twig or treat.

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...

My friend Steve, the priest, told me this one:
Q: Why are Christmas trees and priests alike?
A: Because they both have balls and are only used for decoration.