Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"

A Christmas tree doesn`t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesn`t care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

A Christmas tree doesn`t get jealous around other Christmas trees.

A Christmas tree doesn`t care if you watch football all day.

A Christmas tree doesn`t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

A golfer sends his ball into the trees. As he tries to bring the ball back to the fairway, he discovers a gap among the trees. With his wooden club, he tries to hit the ball to the green in his second hit. However, the ball hits a tree, bounces back and lands in the golfer's face. He dies on the spot. At the heavenly gate, St Peter asks the golfer about his activities back on earth.
When he hears that the man used to play golf, St Peter, with seeming interest, asks, "And were you any good at it?"
"You could say that," the deceased smiles. "I made it here in two strokes."

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals - you'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off."

"That's baloney", says one of the hunters.

"Yeah," the other agrees, "you're just chicken: we came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts: He wasn't afraid to take off!"

"Yeah", said the first hunter, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"

The pilot got angry, and said, "Hell, if he did it, then I can do it, I can fly as well as anybody!" They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the more...

Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. Ive never seen an alligator In a tree. Thats because the pigs do such a good job.

This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.

The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of- the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.

So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The more...

The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."Jay Leno

One day the blonde was driving down the road, When all of a sudden she swings her car from left to right left to right. After just about totaling the whole care she pulls to the near by Air-Port and waits for someone to come see her....About 30 minutes after a police officer came by and said "
May I help you Miss?"
The blonde says "
yes, I ran my car into some trees cause every where I went there was a tree."
the officer quickly says "
well mam that's inpossible cause there arent trees for another 30 miles"
It turns out the blonde thought her air freshener is the promblem ( the trees )