Trees Jokes / Recent Jokes
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. more...
An old farmer in Darwin had owned a large property for
several years. He had a large dam in the back, fixed up nice;
picnic tables, palm trees, and some avocado and mango trees.
The dam was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it
was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to
the dam, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it
over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some
fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch
of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women
aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of
the dam. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming
out until you leave!" The old man frowned and grumbled, "I
didn't come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked or
make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he
yelled, "I'm here more...
No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime. Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor. Every par-three hole in the world has a more...
A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
And the # ONE reason Christmas Trees are better than women
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.
A Christmas tree is always erect.
Even small ones give satisfaction.
A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
A Christmas tree always looks good - even when it's lit.
A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
A Christmas tree has cute balls.
You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.
You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
You only have to feed/water it once a week.
It's always there to light up your life.
It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.
It always smells nice and doesn't pass gas.
If it needles you, you can toss it out.
It doesn't ask you to have little Christmas trees.
Trees don't fall in the forest when no one's around to see them. Sometimes they just happen to be on the ground when you see them again.