Troop Jokes / Recent Jokes

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps
"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop.
"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal
"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of preventative maintenance
"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual
"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO."
-Infantry Journal
"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." -U.S. Army Ordnance
"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS! "-Infantry Journal
"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE more...

You get merit badge for picking the trifecta at Aqueduct
You help old ladies across I-95
First rule in handbook: "Blame the kid who can't speak English"
You're part of a very special troop called the Gambino family
To become an Eagle Scout, you have to catch and eat a Bald Eagle
Since he can't get time off, troop leader holds meetings in his Century 21 office
You get busted for selling knot-tying secrets to Russian Boy Scouts
Scout master hands out his favorite campfire treat - Marlboro Lights
Troop motto: "Be prepared...to lie on the witness stand"
Every year you have to put on a skit and go door-to-door selling cookies
©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc.

As a wildfire raged in Utah, a troop of Boy Scouts had to be airlifted to safety.

Also saved - this troop of Boy Scouts's anal virginity.

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing."Well, err... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!""WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"

THE MARS TIMES
Interplanetary Edition - Number 34,918,495,932 – Published every day the sun shines
EARTH DROPS MORE SPACE JUNK ON MARS' DESERT
Second dose of space junk lands in as many weeks.
Greenie Scouts snapped this visual scan of the Earth debris near Grdrzzwils.
By Zmrwxysuvrityqwz
Special to The Mars Times
For the second time in as many weeks, residents of the Earth planet have dropped additional space junk on the Martian desert. Today's debris was first spotted by a Greenie Troop on a hike near Vlnuxptaqwzt crater in Grdrzzwils. The troop, led by Tzwrygmqwxl, quickly followed the Alien Space Contact Procedures (see below) and hid behind large rocks until the sun had gone down.
Sector command has since cordoned off the area near the crash site and is currently constructing false backdrops so if the debris proves to be operational, only barren desert scenes will be beamed back to the Earth planet. They believe that this debris contains a small more...