Trophy Jokes

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone`s socks off with her youthful looks and charm. She hangs onto Bob`s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She`s my wife!" They`re amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

The Heisman Trophy will be presented Saturday, which is given to the top college football player most likely to murder his future wife.

Jim was so excited when he staggered home from the stag party, he just had to wake up his wife to tell her the news.
"Look, honey, I won it!" he told her, holding up a cheap-looking trophy.
"How?" asked his wife, still half-asleep.
"We had a contest to see who has the longest dick," he said, beaming with pride.
"What!" she screamed. "How could you make such a fool of yourself? You took it out in front of all those people?"
"Hell no, honey, not all of it," he said, "just enough to win!"