Trouble Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Answer

It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised sporting event. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says,

'DO I LOOK FAT?'

There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted' yes'.

'No' means yes.' Yes' means yes.' I don't know' means yes.' It doesn't matter' means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes.

Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but more...

A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.
This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, can't help you. He is a staff member!

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names."Shut Up", replied Shut Up."Stupid", replied Stupid.The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief.Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names."Shut Up!""Stupid!"The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,"Why yes, how did you know?"

“Gimme a double whiskey! ” the little boy yelled to the barmaid as he climbed on the stool and peered over the bar. “Do you want to get me in trouble? ” she asked. “Maybe later, ” the boy replied, “But now I just want a drink! ”

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain'' came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.
“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Stupid”, replied Stupid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me! ” shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.
“Shut Up! ”
“Stupid! ”
The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble? ”!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied, ”Why yes, how did you know? ”

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then more...