True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

Government as Usual:
The White House freed $250 million to promote a
new sex education program. "It teaches marital fidelity," says Argus
Hamilton. "It sure gets expensive when Bill Clinton and Dick Morris
start theorizing."

The Stanford Law Review runs the following quote on their masthead:
"For every thousand people hacking at the leaves of evil there
is one chopping at the roots."
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following:
"For every person hacking at the leaves of evil there are a thousand
smoking the stuff."

Saturday, September 6, 1997
Ligonier, PA. - There was an old woman who worked in a shoe. She
saw a lot of tourists and knew exactly what to do.
After 25 years of playing the "old woman who lived in a shoe" at the
nursery rhyme-themed Story Book Forest at Idlewild Park, Nellie
Gindlesperger is retiring at the end of the summer at age 85.
She has spent her days crocheting in front of the park's massive brown and
green boot, often putting down her sewing to talk to visitors.
"So many of the little ones ask me how many children I have," she said. "I
tell them that all of the children who come through Story Book Forest are
mine."
Gindlesperger, who in real life has five children and whose own mother
played the role for 12 years before her, teaches nursery rhymes to her
visitors.
"They aren't teaching the youngsters nursery rhymes today," she said. "Our
fairy tales are going to be more...

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4
men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting
two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men
showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies
were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had
been stolen from the car.

Mary Poppins has retired from her days as a nanny and currently resides in Venice Beach, CA, where she predicts cases of bad breath for her clients
Her sign outside her office reads: "Super California Mystic, Expert: Halitotsis"

Safeway has made a $1.7 billion offer for Vons markets. Says Bob Mills,
"The amount of the bid became public after a checkout clerk was overheard
yelling 'Price check on the company!'"
He adds, "the original offer was $2 billion, but then Safeway pulled out
a huge stack of double-value coupons."

Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the
Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in
apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up
completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph. The mystery
was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads.
The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a
complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out
that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier's
target-seeker had locked on to the 'enemy' radar and triggered an
automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily(?) the
Harrier was operating unarmed.