True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S.
Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930's. He was
an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals,
and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces
in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal
justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950's at the
rank of full colonel.
Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what
was then Fresno State College. (Later to become the California State
University, Fresno.) His work was well respected, but after about ten
years of service, he was called to see the president of the college.
He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelor's
degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded
that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years
of distinguished experience was no more...

Cleaner Polishes Off Patients.
South African Health - Pelonomi Hospital
Date: 26 July 1996 10:08
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead
patient in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for
the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible
bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However,
further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths.
It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support
system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go
about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would
plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear more...

On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) man tried to commit a
robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his
lack of a record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid
choice:
The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gunshop;
The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
fraction of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
handguns in public places;
To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County
Police patrol car parked at the front door;
An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a few wild shots.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the
gene pool.
Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one
else was hurt.

Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced today that the official release date
for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the
second quarter of 1901.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of
cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard
cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

In the current film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the
finger to Jack (another character).Many people who have seen the film,
question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the
Titanic disaster, or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant
seventh-grader. According to research, here's the true story:
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and
the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck
yew").
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waved their middle more...

ABC's overnight news show, World News Now, has a recurring segment called
"World News Then", where they air pieces of ABC News broadcasts as they
covered various important events of the past. Last April 1st,
they decided that instead of running a piece from a few decades ago, it
would be more interesting to go back a few millennia. One of the stories
they rebroadcast was the following report from 2400 BC:
"Egypt's emerging papyrus technology continues to alarm parents and law
enforcement. A new bill introduced today would let the government
regulate material found on papyrus. Legislators said paperspace, as it
is known to so-called 'writers', is becoming a haven for monotheists,
con artists and worse hoping to prey on the young and gullible. A little
bit later in this broadcast we will have some tips on how to shield your
children from offensive and dangerous material found on the dangerous
papyrus."