True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is pretty close to an actual sales call I received. The sales
person's name has been changed. The company name has not. I think
we'll stick with our current provider.
Bob: Hello, I'm Bob ______ from AT&T, and I'm calling to let you know
about the Internet services we offer. Do you have a minute to...
Me: I'm kind of busy right now, but if you could just email me the
information I'll call you back if I'm interested. My address
is...
Bob: Could I have your fax number? We're behind a firewall, so our email
doesn't always get through.

The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for
alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly.
They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with
an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.
People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and
large adult alligator droppings.
Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly
bird feathers.
Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.

When the judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is
not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well
put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.

There were two rumates and the one that slept ontop brung his girlfriend and he told her when they have sex for his room mate wont here if it herts say bread if you want me to go fast say Lettuce and if you want me to go slow say tomatoes.Then the next day when they woke up his room mate says "your awake? they said " yes"well then u better stop making sandwiches at night cause you got mainaise in my mouth and eyes.

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that
he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too
far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge
reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.