True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Democratic National Committee finally released thousands of pages of
financial disclosure information. Says Vince Vieceli, "Unfortunately,
they released them from a third-floor balcony in New York during the
parade for the Yankees."

Only in Merry Olde England
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had
him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in
such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She
sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then
she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even
more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William
Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the
fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented more...

The White House says President Clinton will make a speech on
campaign finance reform today in California. Says Argus Hamilton, "The
exact time hasn't been announced. Aides are still trying to fit it in
between fund-raisers."

Modern Travel: To promote airline safety, a proposed FAA rule would
require that every suitcase checked on a US flight be on the same
plane as its owner. "That means that even though you want to fly to
Orlando at 9am, you may end up on the 10pm plane to Boise." (Jerry
Perisho)
Major airlines oppose the plan. "They are even against a less stringent
rule that would require luggage and owners to be in the same country."

According to police in Dahlonega, Ga., ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.

An Issaquah, Washington man apparently became frustrated with his personal
computer, pulled out a gun and shot it. The computer, located in the man's
home office, had four bullets holes in its hard drive and one in the
monitor. Police evacuated the man's townhouse complex, contacted the irate
PC owner by phone, and persuaded him to come out. "We don't know if it
wouldn't boot up or what," says one of the police officers at the scene.
St. Petersburg Times - July 20, 1997

From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):
Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.