True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

Science Watch: Government and auto industry officials are debating which
crash dummies best imitate humans in accidents. Says Paul Ryan, "They
can't decide whether it's the ones who play with the radio and do their
makeup, or the ones who eat Danishes and spill hot coffee in their laps."

Jon John, the world's worst basketball player, was arrested and charged
with brawling in a public place. He pleaded guilty and threw himself at the
mercy of the court... and missed.

Noted Dough Boy Dies
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe
yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest
funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime
friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who
"never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of
his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he
was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife.
They had two children, and...
one in the oven.

A massive cold front swept across the nation this week, but it's not
expected to affect the election. Says Hamilton, "The Weather Channel said
the five-day forecast for Bob Dole is three days."

I don't usually pass on unhappy news like this, and I know you are busy,
but sometimes we have to pause and remember the things that have deeply
affected our lives. The entertainment world experienced a great loss
today. The composer of the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What really made his
passing so distressing is that they had trouble keeping the body in the
casket.
They'd put his left leg in, he'd put his left leg out... and...well, you
know the rest...

In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.

Tuesday's Wall Street Journal has an article about the Dutch takeover of
JFK airport's International Arrivals building. The Dutch have some
interesting ideas on how to clean it up:
In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an
operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that
each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black
outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain.
"It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at
it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion.
His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce
spillage by 80%.
"We will put flies in the urinals - yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office
at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as
of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's more...