Trust Jokes / Recent Jokes
>An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source
> of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling
> through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a
> sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards
> ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
> discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there
> may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out
> pops
> a genie. But
> this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi,
> complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
> "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three
> wishes."
> "I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a
> Jewish genie!"
> "What do you have to lose? It looks more...
Men - are you sure you can trust something that bleeds for seven days and
still lives?
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.' 'Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man.' 'Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said,' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor.''
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie.' 'Drop your pants, and bend over,'' says the doctor.' 'What?'' says the man.' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear.' 'Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!'' screams the man.' 'Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.
About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.' 'Now pull up your pants and come more...
a man walks into a hardware stores looking for wood to build his house he then sees jesus and says "be not afraid i come to your aid" and gives him a referell of wood he buys the wood and asks how he knows this, jesus replies "just trust me"he does and leaves. the next day he returns for nails and jesus shows up again and reffers him he buys the nails and asks how he knows this jesus replies "just trust me " he does and leaves. the man starts to build his house and relizes he has no money for food so he thinks jesus can solve his problem he goes to see him and gives him a referell of fish and bread but before he leaves he asks jesus will this keep him fed and jesus replies "for fucks sake you come in here spouting your problems you want to know how i know about the wood the nails and the fish i was put on the cross nailed to it and had nothin to eat for 2000 years so i got problems"
Guys: The next time you want a gal to trust you, just hug her. For at least twenty seconds.
Gals: Sorry, this trick doesn't work on guys.
According to a recent article in the SF Chronicle, research shows that the female brain naturally releases a pleasure-boosting hormone after a 20-second hug. The embrace bonds the woman to her hugger and triggers her trust circuits. [Re: Louann Brizendine's new book, The Female Brain]
Note: I'm not sure this ploy will work on married women. I tried a long hug on my wife when I arrived home yesterday, and she immediately became susp*cious: "What are you up to?"
Maybe I should have hugged her silently, rather than whispering sweet nothings in her ear: "one-hippopotamus, two-hippopotamus, three-hippopotamus..."
The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em ..nobody is your friend.
If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?(if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).
So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?
Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.
The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?
God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today.
Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets more...