Tuba Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards if you have a good arm.
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.
"Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"
"Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies.
"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says' Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo."
"We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says' Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo."
"Then we play for the Czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say' Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba more...
cut time:
1. parole.
2. when everyone else is playing twice as fast as you are.
order of sharps: what a wimp gets at the bar.
passing tone: frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
middle C: the only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low.
perfect pitch: the smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
tuba: a compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
cadenza:
1. that ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes.
2. The heroine in Monteverdi's opera Frottola
whole note: what's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.
Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.