Tuesday Jokes / Recent Jokes

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4: 00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5: 00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little more...

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.

The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

"274," is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple,"

he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

The fur coat
David Levy and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Hendon furrier.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" David says.
So the furrier goes into the storeroom and comes out with an absolutely stunning full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes over to David and discreetly whispers in his ear, "Ah, sir, that particular fur coat goes for £20,000."
"No problem! I`ll write you out a cheque."
"Very good, sir," says the furrier. "Today is Friday, you may come by on Tuesday to pick it up after the cheque has cleared."
So David and the woman leave.
On Tuesday, David returns to the shop, on his own. The furrier is outraged to see him.
"How dare you show your face in here? There wasn`t a single penny in your bank account."
"I just had to come by," grinned David, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life."

Agents of three insurance companies were discussing the performance of their companies. First agent: our client died on
Monday, we came to know on tuesday and released his insurance on wednesday. Second agent: our client died on monday, we came
To know on the same day and released his insurance on tuesday. Third agent: our office is on the 20th floor of wtc, our
Client was painting the building on the 84th floor, he fell from there and we gave his insurance cheque while he passed our
Floor.

Miss USA Tara Conner, who had come under criticism amid rumors she had been frequenting bars while underage, will be allowed to keep her title, Donald Trump announced Tuesday.

"I've always been a believer in second chances," Trump, who owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said with Conner at his side.
Trump said he and Conner had met earlier Tuesday morning.
"She left a small town in Kentucky and she was telling me that she got caught up in the whirlwind of New York," Trump said. "At least that's what I think she said, it's always hard to understand what women are saying when you're banging them from behind. But it's clear she's willing to do what it takes to keep her title."

There were two senior adult ladies that had played cards every Tuesday afternoon for 25 years. One Tuesday, one of the women says to the other, "I hate to admit this, but I forgot your name years ago and I just can't remember it. What is your name?"
The other old lady looks down at her cards, then looks up and asks, "How soon do you need to know?"