Tune Jokes / Recent Jokes
(To The Tune of Good Golly, Miss Monica) Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Fe, fe, fi, fi, fo, fo, fum
Monica`s dress has the President`s cum! In the Oval Office, on the carpeted floor
Till the Leader of the Country up and hollers for more
In her reinforced kneepads with the Presidential Seal
Seeking out that First Banana to peel! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! The Commander-in-Chief says, "You do it so well"
"I love it, you creep!" says Monica L.
Poor Hillary`s working on "It Takes A Village"
While Miss Lewinsky`s dress gets a Big Ole` Spillage
She`s not too skinny, she`s not too fat
Every President wants an Intern like that! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Semen on a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Semen on a blue dress found! Good golly Miss Monica, don`t sing more...
The Holiday Season
(To the tune of "Deck The Halls")
' Tis the season to be greedy!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Treat ourselves, forget the needy!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Charging gifts with wild abandon!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Credit limits not withstandin'!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Sing we now the spendthrift's carol!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Buying presents by the barrel!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Throwing parties, being merry!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
' Till bills come in January!
Fa la la la la, La La La La!!!
How long does a harp stay in tune?
About twenty minutes, or until someone opens the door.
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don` t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We `ll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don `t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get more...
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. Q. What's the definition of a minor second? A. Two bagpipes playing in unison. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You more...