Twelve Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS... SANTA CRUZ STYLE...
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE after more...
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS... SANTA CRUZ STYLE...On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front more...
A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting "Twelve! Twelve!" over a fence. As he walks closer to the fence, they start shouting "Thirteen! Thirteen!"Curious, the man looks through a gap in the fence. Suddenly he's poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he lies there, clutching his head, the man hears "Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Forest Gump Goes to Heaven... The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper. Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven." Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter' T'?" "Second, how many seconds are there in more...
TWELVE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5: 00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing. 2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a promotion. 8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my more...
Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas-
For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
Ask them how they did it,
And see if they can do it again.
For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
Try to reproduce it,
Ask them how they did it,
And see if they can do it again.
For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
Run with the debugger,
Try to reproduce it,
Ask them how they did it,
And see if they can do it again.
For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
Ask for a dump,
Run with the debugger,
Try to reproduce it,
Ask them how they did it,
And see if they can do it again.
For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
Reinstall the software,
Ask for a dump,
Run with the debugger,
Try to reproduce it,
Ask them how they did it,
And see more...