Type Jokes / Recent Jokes
July 18
I just tried to connect to America online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. I can't connect, I don't know what is wrong.
July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 20
I bought the modem, I couldn't figure out where it goes though, it wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 21
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.
July 22
The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. He's so smart.
July 23
What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I'm confused.
July 24
The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.
July 25
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer more...
How does James Bond type e-mails? With his goldfinger.
According to reuters, a 16-year old Singaporean student broke the Guinness World Record for shortest amount of time needed to type a 160-character SMS (Short Message Service), completing it in 41.52 seconds. The message was as follows:
No body rlly gives 2 craps about who can type the wrld’s fastest txt mssage and this experment is a wste of time. Nx time will brek this usless recrd in 39 scs
ARIESYou are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.TAURUSYou are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Taurus people have BO.GEMINIYou are a quick and intellectual thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap.CANCERYou are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most Welfare recipients are Cancer people.LEOYou consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.VIRGOYou are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your more...
You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.
You turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know you are online again.
Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL.
Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome.
You want to meet a girl/guy and your first impulse is to turn on your computer.
You have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's.
You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization or complete sentences...
You find yourself lying to others about your time online and when they complain that your phone was busy, you claim it was off the hook.
You would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (another all-night online session).
You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.
You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to "check your mail."
You double more...
"Good Afternnoon, Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words wentaway." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does ithave a little light that tells you when it's more...