Typical Jokes / Recent Jokes

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want... and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by British Soldiers to insult the colonialists ( which was typical of the British in those days). The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).

An Italian named Uncle Vito buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of, "WOW!" were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father, Uncle Vito, answered, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned and asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The Italian father, Uncle Vito, takes a slow swig from his scotch on the rocks, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "We had his hair cut!"

A fairly typical, great looking, athletic, macho young man, married a fairly typical great-looking young lady.

Asserting his manly dominance, right after the honeymoon, the groom laid down the following rules:' I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you.

'I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise.

'I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want, with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.

'Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:' No, that's fine with me.

'Just understand: there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.'

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
"Wow! Twenty pounds!" exclaimed many at the bar as they congratulated the proud father.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds at birth?"
The proud Texas father said, "Yup... just had him circumcised!"

A typical macho man married typical good-looking woman and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules: ”I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments? ”
His new bride said, ”No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at 7 o’clock every night - whether you’re here or not. ”