Tyson Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did Mike Tyson say to his girlfriend?
A: I'm EARresistable
A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.” The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” “Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’”Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread...’ to ‘give us this day our daily more...
Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Tennis more...
' 'Heavyweight Chomp'' - Philadelphia Inquirer.
' 'Undisputed Chomp'' - USA TODAY.
' 'World Chomp'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Requiem for a Chompion'' - Philadelphia Daily News.
' 'Sucker Munch'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Biting Back: Evander has public's ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Toss Tyson Out on Ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Ear Flap'' - Newsday.
' 'Ears Have It! Evander Wins'' - Montgomery (Ala.) Advertiser.
' 'Tyson's Behavior Hard to Swallow'' - Providence Journal-Bulletin.
' 'Dracula'' - New York Post.
' 'Champ Chewing Over Legal Options'' - New York Post.
' 'It's Tyson's Nature to (Ch)eat'' - New York Post.
' 'For Tyson, Tooth Hurts'' - New York Post.
' 'Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible'' - New York Post.
' 'Lobe Blow for Boxing'' - The Tennessean.
' 'Iron Mike Goes Down Biting'' - The Sunday Oklahoman.
' 'Tyson Doesn't Gnaw What's Next'' - The Daily Oklahoman.
' 'Ear of Scorn'' - more...
As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school and finish grade five.
This is Mike's Ebonics homework vocabulary assignment.
He must use each new word in a sentence.
1. Catacomb
I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man,
somebody get that cat a comb.
2. Foreclose
If I pay alimony today, I got no money fore close.
3. Rectum
I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.
4. Disappointment
My parole officer tol' me if I miss dis appointment,
they gonna send me back to the joint.
5. Israel
Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake."
He say, "Bullshit, that watch is rael".
6. Undermine
There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
7. Acoustic
When I was little, my uncle bought me a coustic
and took me to the pool hall.
8. Iraq
When we got to the pool hall, I tol' my uncle "i raq, you more...
A selection of headlines from the Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield fight and its aftermath:
' 'A Bad Bite for Boxing'' - The News & Observer of Raleigh.
' 'Twice Bitten'' - Times-Picayune of New Orleans.
' 'Bite of the Century!'' - Arizona Republic.
' 'Bite Night'' - Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader.
' 'Tyson's Tasteless Tactics: Bite Night'' - The Record of Hackensack, N.J.
' 'Reality Bites'' - Times Union of Albany, N.Y.
' 'Did Tyson Bite Off More Than He Can Chew? Time Will Tell'' - Salt Lake Tribune.
' 'Tyson Subject of Biting Criticism'' - The (Baltimore) Sun.
' 'Biting Commentary'' - The Boston Herald.
' 'Tyson Bites the Dust, Holyfield'' - Huntsville (Ala.) Times.
' 'Holyfield May Take a Bite Out of Tyson'' - The Indianapolis Star.
' 'Holyfield Can't Stay Unbitten as Heavyweight'' - Sun-Sentinel, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
' 'Earmarks of cowardice'' - Houston Chronicle.
' 'Earmark of an eerie night'' - The Atlanta more...