Uncle Jokes / Recent Jokes
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.
One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things chickens, cows, crops, etc.
After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
there was three guys walking a long a road there was a canadian usuma bin larden and uncel sam.
they came across a lamp and picked it up and rubed it out came a geini it said "you can have 1 wish each for there are three of you and makes a grand totall of 3 wishes".
so the canadian wishes for all the soil in canada to be firtil and it was and there he was in canada.
then usuma bin larden said "i want you to build a wall around afghanistan so no one can get in or out" the geini granted his wish and he was home with a big wall around afghanistan.
uncle sam was intrested in usama bin larden wish and asked how big is this wall the geini replied "it is 150,000 high and invicebal to all atacks" uncel sam says after a while
"fill it with water"
Dave called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner. "Hello?" said a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," said Dave. "Is mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Kevin."
After a brief pause, Dave said, "But you don't have an Uncle Kevin, honey!"
"Yes I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Kevin that my car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out more...
1. There is a gay man at your house. Do you stay home or go to work?
2.(pickup line) Hey baby, come over her and sit on my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up.
3. Your Uncle Jack is working on a roof and gets stuck on the ladder. Do you help your Uncle jack off?
Do you have an uncle named Jack?
No! why, Well if your uncle Jack was to climb up on the roof would you "help your uncle Jack off" NO!