Undertaker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceasd's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone more...

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife." "But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker." I got married again," the man sobbed." Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

Three retired old timers were sitting around comparing what they each felt was their most exciting experience.
The fireman talked about a huge fire that had occurred at a university several years back. There were flames and fire trucks from several fire departments, but he thought the most exciting part of it all had to be the naked co-eds jumping from their dorm windows into his arms. Both the other gents agreed that had to be a very exciting experience.
The sheriff told them about the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde way back in his younger days. Both the other gents nodded and agreed that would have been very exciting.
The undertaker then told the other two old timers what he felt was his most exciting experience. "One evening I got a call to pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I arrived, the guy had a huge erection. I knew it would be impossible for me to get him through the lobby like that. So, I grabbed an old more...

An old lady is very upset as her husband, Colin, had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.
Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Colin was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally they always put the bodies in black, but he’d see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Colin before his funeral the following day.
When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Colin is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit? ”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a more...

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife.""But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker."I got married again," the man sobbed."Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:"Come and bury my wife.""But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker."I got married again," the man sobbed."Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked."He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am.""Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"