Underwear Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a girl came home with 50 dollars and her mother asked where she got it. The girl said, Two men where at school and they told me that they would pay me 50 dollars if I climb the flag pole. So the mother said Honey dont do that they Are just trying to look at your underwear. The next day she came back with 100 dollars. So she said where and it was the same thing. So the mothet said not to. The next day she came home with 500 dollars. And she asked where she got it and it was the same. She said Honey I told not to the times. But the girl said "Mommy I was smart I didn't wear any underwear."
Santa was delivering presents. He went down this one chimney and a woman was lying on the couch in her bra and underwear. She told Santa that she had been very good that year. He said Ho, Ho, Ho gotta go gotta go, got to deliver these presents. She takes off her bra and says now can you stay? He says Ho, Ho, Ho gotta go gotta go got to deliver these presents. Then, she takes off her underwear and says now can you stay. Santa says hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay cant go up the chimney with my dick this way.
What occurs more often in December than any other month?
Conception.
Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
Skinny dipping.
What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS, from every other TV show?
No theme song/music.
Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Their birthplace. This is propinquity.
Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Obsession
More women do this in the bathroom than men.
Wash their hands. Women * 80% - Men - 55%
What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
Gain weight.
In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell.
Banana
If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
One thousand
What do bullet more...
There was once a villager who got engaged to a girl from the neighboring village. One day he decided to walk there and visit his fiance. So he asked his mum to go and buy some material to make him some new underwear since he had been wearing his for 3 months. His mum bought 5 meters and made two pairs for him with 2 meters leaving 3 meters spare. He put on his new underwear and his best kilt (skirt) and set off for the next village. When he was half way there, he needed to go to the toilet, and took off his underwear, and hung it on a tree so as not to dirty it. When he was done, he forgot to put his underwear back on. When he got to his fiances house, he sat opposite her so as to show off his new underwear. The girl looked shocked. When the man saw her expression, he thought she was impressed with his new underwear, and said, "Do u like it? I have another 3 meters at home."
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
Barbie's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some change around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1999, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap more...